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i have to write a narrative essay 250 words about my first ride on a bike this is what i have it must be detailed and specific. Did i do it any suggestions? When I was a young girl I was always happiest on my bike. There were many places around my home that were traffic free and great to ride on. I can remember the wonderful sensation of flying as my bike zoomed down a hill and the wind blew on my face. It was one of those pure joys of childhood that you never forget. On my bike I felt totally alive and at one with the world. It all started one afternoon after my 9th birthday party. My mother told me that outside there was a gift for me. I was very excited and couldn’t wait to see what it was. There I was outside under the warm sun, when I saw a pink beautiful bike and my father. I ran towards my dad hugging and thanking him ignoring the flies buzzing around me, and then to my beautiful bike. I slid my tiny feet into the rubber straps of the petals. Gradually, my tiny legs frantically rotated forward fast and faster. I did it. I finally balanced my body perfectly. I kept moving forward, watching the dark pavement pass under the wheels. Never in my life did the pungent smell of hot rubber on concrete on a sunny summer's day please my senses so much. The fast transportation provided a sense of freedom. I then pushed my legs back, causing the wheels to come to a sudden halt. I jumped off the bike, admiring my first liberating ride. I stood there staring at the bike in admiration. The shiny red metal glistened in the sun light. No scratches or marks were in sight.

Public Comments

1. Its good. perhaps you could add a little to why you were happiest on your bike for example adventures you had or going cycling with your friends. but i like the description of the wind on your face, there really is nothing like it! well done
2. It is excellent content and style-wise. What you need to look at are some minor technical issues. 1.There were many places around my home that were traffic free and great to ride on.- it gives the idea you would ride on those places- it should be- There were many places ...great to ride around/There were many places around my home that were traffic free and perfect for a joy-ride. 2.My mother told me that outside there was a gift for me.- would sound better if you wrote: My mother told me that there was a gift for me outside. Same paragraph: the grammatically correct word order is "...a beautiful pink bike". Also, it will be better if you mention your father before the bike, like "I saw my father standing beside a beautiful pink bike." 3.I slid my tiny feet into the rubber straps of the petals- 'petals'? Pedals, right? 2ndly, 'gradually' and frantically' somehow don't go together, and since you say 'gradually', it will also be better if you keep the continuous tense: "Gradually, my tiny legs started rotating faster and faster." Don't use 'frantically'- you were not in panic, were you? That's all. Otherwise, it's wonderfully written. You have got an original start and ending, you have put in some detailed and beautiful descriptions and you carry the reader along with you on the ride. Well done!