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Can anyone check if this is correct?

i have to write a narrative essay 250 words about my first ride on a bike this is what i have it must be detailed and specific. Did i do it any suggestions? When I was a young girl I was always happiest on my bike. There were many places around my home that were traffic free and great to ride on. I can remember the wonderful sensation of flying as my bike zoomed down a hill and the wind blew on my face. It was one of those pure joys of childhood that you never forget. On my bike I felt totally alive and at one with the world. It all started one afternoon after my 9th birthday party. My mother told me that outside there was a gift for me. I was very excited and couldn’t wait to see what it was. There I was outside under the warm sun, when I saw a pink beautiful bike and my father. I ran towards my dad hugging and thanking him ignoring the flies buzzing around me, and then to my beautiful bike. I slid my tiny feet into the rubber straps of the petals. Gradually, my tiny legs frantically rotated forward fast and faster. I did it. I finally balanced my body perfectly. I kept moving forward, watching the dark pavement pass under the wheels. Never in my life did the pungent smell of hot rubber on concrete on a sunny summer's day please my senses so much. The fast transportation provided a sense of freedom. I then pushed my legs back, causing the wheels to come to a sudden halt. I jumped off the bike, admiring my first liberating ride. I stood there staring at the bike in admiration. The shiny red metal glistened in the sun light. No scratches or marks were in sight.

Public Comments

1. yeah pretty good but you have changed the colour of the bike but it is a bit boring and it didnt take me back to my first bike ride and thats what I would be looking for in your essay, something that the reader will identify with.
2. i liked it