Success Happy

college essay help! revisions and comments plaese.?

The first thing Glen ever taught me was how to ride his bike. My bike still had training wheels and that wasn’t acceptable, he always had too high of expectations for me. We spent the entire day outside, and even when I cried and fell, he wouldn’t let me give up, and he never grew impatient. Finally, after hours of attempting to use handle brakes and to balance myself, I caught on. Glen taught me so many things throughout my life, how to play video games, how to play kick ball and how to talk my way out of getting in trouble, but nothing he taught me could have prepared me for his absence in my life when he left for college I looked dup to my brother for guidance as a child, but as I grew up I grew jealous. Glen always got to do things first (but because of this I have him to thank for my athletic career). When glen played football he was motivated and naturally talented, so all of my family commended him and came to watch him play. I also wanted attention, so I joined cheerleading the next year and really enjoyed it, but it went unnoticed. When Glen stopped playing for pop Warner to peruse high school football, I quit too. Soon after he began, an injury forced him to give up football and I knew it was going to be hard for him to give up his childhood love after so many years. The next fall, however, he recovered and he started a new activity: cross country. Again I wanted to prove to the world I was as talented as Glen, so I followed his path and joined cross country the moment I started high school. I joined the cheerleading team as well, because i remembered how much I loved it. Although I took great pride in my accomplishments as a runner, I couldn’t measure up to my brother and when he graduated high school and stopped running, I too gave up running and my race to catch up to him. Glen was flawless in everyone else’s eyes; athletic, charming, class president, and to top it all off, he received a large scholarship to the school of his choice, Boston College. I never realized that although being the first born did have its moments, he had to brave it all first and without an older brother to lead the way. It didn’t hit me until early September of my junior year that Glen was leaving and I was now the oldest child at home, the role model for my younger siblings to look up to. Looking back over Glens’ last years living home, I know I didn’t fully appreciate his guidance. I took for granted our car rides to and from school and his over protectiveness when I told him who I was hanging out with. it took me 16 years to realize how much glen had affected my life and I know that although I’ll continue to look up to him as someone I could never be it’s because of his leadership and influence that I came to realize my own strengths and weaknesses and how to overcome the problems life sent me. He’s my friend, my brother and without him I wouldn’t be who I am today.

Public Comments

1. whose actually gonna read that
2. is this like a short essay? do you have instructions of how they want it to be? maybe an Intro? you started off talking about 'glen' and the reader doesn't even know who glen or much less who you are. i dont know what they wanted you to do with this essay..but maybe a little more structure is needed.
3. NOOOOOOO TO CHESSSSYY