Success Happy - Wife started 12-step program do I need to stop drinking?

Wife started 12-step program do I need to stop drinking?

My wife just started the 90-day 90 meeting with AA for her sleeping pill addiction. She has also vowed not to drink for 90 days. Do I need to stop drinking? With codependency one thing they say is not to change your life for the addict. I am young and still go out with friends and have a beer at the end of the day to wind down. I don’t drink every day but I do enjoy drink and hanging out with my friend. I do relies that life will change with my wife going threw 12 step. With this all being new I don’t know what I wont to change for me? I am wondering what that balances is between having a level of normal and having a level of sobriety for my wife? Have you been in my shoe what have you done?

Public Comments

No, but don't drink when you're out with her or in front of her. That's not fair.
Well it would be nice if you would as her husband
Yes, but you don't need to stop smoking
It would sure help her if you did. At least not have it in the home. Don't drink in her presence. Try not to increase the number of times you "go out with the boys", just because you no longer have it in the house. When they are saying don't change your life for the addict, that is not what they are referring to. It's good to be supportive. At least until she has some quality clean/sober time under her belt. Ultimately, she should realize that if she wants to maintain sobriety, she will have to quit ALL mind altering substances. Once the pills have been removed from her life, the alcohol will begin to look pretty attractive. You would benefit by attending meetings of ALANON, which is the group for spouses. They will help you with all of the questions you have, and will provide support for YOU. Congratulations to your wife for recognizing she has a problem and being ready to change her life. Kudos to you for being a loving supportive husband.
Hmmm your Irish.. Keep drinking
You don't need to stop drinking a couple beers a week but you do need to stay home and support your wife....and not run around with your buddies...
I don't think there is anything wrong with having a beer at the end of the day or when you're out with your friends, just don't do it in front of her.
To truly support her and to understand what she is going through, yeah that would be a good idea. Talk to her about it and ask her what she thinks of it. I know when I'm trying to quit something its hard if my spouse is doing it, I know it makes me bitter towards him for not supporting me, or caring enough to stop with me. Good luck!
I think it would help your wife if you stopped drinking. It'll show support for her, and let her know she's not alone in her battle against addiction. Also, seeing you drink when she can't might be too much of a temptation for her. You never know, you might find that you prefer your life without alcohol.
I think that if you stopped drinking it would make things easier for your wife. Imagine trying to quit doing something while you live with someone who is still doing it.
If your wife doesn't have a drinking problem and your going out with friends not around her and just having a couple drinks not coming home drunk then i see no need to change now if she had a drinking problem i would say absolutely do not drink anywhere near her but since that isn't the case... why change when your doing nothing harmful to her sobriety
It would definitely show some support if you did...but that isn't to say that you should give up drinking forever.... You may also find out that you prefer to drink less...
you don't have to stop drinking (unless she has a problem with your drinking) but you do need to stop drinking around her. you need to be sensitive of the fact that your wife does have an addiction and that she shouldn't be exposed to something that may trigger a relapse. best of luck to you and your wife! she's doing a great thing by getting the help she needs :-)
If you love her and want to be supportive, then you could stop too. But ultimately it's her own problem that she'll have to deal with herself. It will just be easier if her husband isn't drinking.
First, she needs all the support she can get. So yes, it would be very helpful to get all alcohol out of the house. If you want a drink have one at a tavern. Second, If she is a pill addict she should not use any addictive substances in the future. It is called cross addiction. So, if she begins drinking again, which you say is the plan after 90 days, she stands a high chance of relapse to pills and/or becoming dependent on alcohol. If you love your wife you will stop drinking yourself and see to it that she does not start drinking in 90 days.
You don't need to stop drinking in front of her for her sake, but it would be good for your marriage. Your wife needs to know you are supportive of her 110% right now. I quit smoking and my husband quit too as a sign of solidarity. It isn't about co-dependecy, it is about getting rid of things you don't really need in your life to be happy and viewing all problems as "our" problems and working through them together.
I wouldn't stop drinking, but i would not keep alcohol in the house. My reason for removing the alcohol is that the home should be the one place that the recovering alcoholic should not have to face temptation. Home should be a safe place for them while they are recovering.
It couldn't hurt, besides it would make it easier for her to quit, especially there's no alcohol in the home, less chance of temptation.
Having it around and easily accesable was very hard for me. I resented my husband not keeping it out of the house. He was supportive but I ended up sneaking drinks, even though he marked the bottles, what could he do after the fact. I finally took alot of focus on my problem to quit with it around. I think you should keep it out of sight. If you could help her, why cant you do that? Going out with your friends shouldnt be a problem though. I had a great support system. I gave all my credit cards a to my husband and the keys (when he was at work) to my neighbor. That way I couldnt leave and I didnt have money to get anything. Eventually my friends could drink around me and I was proud I wasnt going crazy for a drink. But that took 2 years to do.
I have not identically been in your shoes, but married to a couple of husbands who loved the stuff to death. My personal opinion is if your wife can take that great big giant step for herself to attend AA meetings, then you aren't doing her any favors by drinking in front of her for sure. She will have a hard enough road to travel if she sticks to the program, but my guess will be, if she is around you while you are drinking, back sliding could be so easy for her. And yes, one is told to not change their life style for the alcoholic but you know, alcohol isn't doing you any favors either and if you love the stuff as much as you sound like you might, you very well one day might be joining her in AA. There are also Al-Anon meetings for friends and family of alcoholics that might shed some light on what you should and shouldn't do with her trying to recover. Look in the yellow pages of your phone book for Al-Anon meetings. Question is: How much do you love this woman??
Moderation is the key! Its hard being around someone when they're partying and drinking, and your not able to drink. I just experienced that for two weeks because i was on anti-biotics. Everything kinda changed for me. I even became a bit of a recluse. And that was ONLY 2 wks. Imagine how hard it will be for her. So, heres my advice : if you drink, do it with moderation, because i know you probably wont just quit cold turkey. And this might really help: take her out a few nights a week and do something that doesnt involve alcohol. Because life is just boring without booze. Good luck to ya!
Being supportive to her working on herself will show her how much you care for her. Also, finding different things to do together to take the place of whatever she/you did when she was using will help jump start her life away from the drugs she was using. Be patient! This is not an overnight change. Change like this will take 3-4 weeks to take hold. Like others have said, do not drink or use in front of her. Do this away from her, if you must. It would be like eating a cake she couldn't have in front of her when she is on a strict diet,,,cruel. There are also books available about co-dependency and how to deal with and be in a co-dependent relationship. 'Co-dependent No More' is one of many that come to mind. She is fortunate to have someone that cares enough to find out what is going on in her life. Best to you both.