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PLEASE! URGENT! Is it weird to be close friends with your idiotic ex?

Let me start of by warning you that this is a little complicated, but I'm going to make it as simple as possible and try not to use too many useless details. Okay so my bestest frined invited me to her house for the first time a couple years ago and I met her brother for the first time. i already knew her parents. i was spending i few weeks with her family, just for the heck of it. And me and her brother Kasey hated each other on sight. I don't really know why, probably cause he was so arrogant and I was sassy in reply to his arrogance, but yeah we didn't hit it off. While over Teresa/Tess's (my best friend) house my other friend called and we got into a stupid fight. I was in the family room just flipping through the channel but not really watching the tv and I guess I looked upset cause Kasey actually sat down and asked me what was wrong. Up until then the only civilconversation we'd had was to ask the other to pass something at the dinner table, and that rarely happened. I reluctantly told him what had happened, and he pretty much tried to comfort me (he wasn't very good at it though) after that i think he just softened up towards me and we kind of became friends. About a week and a half later or so we went to the amusement park and went on the ferris wheel. Tess decided to sit that ride out and even to this day I could swear she planned it all out, but cliche as it was he made his move at the top of the wheel. he handed me a locket and told me it was tess's but she'd given it to him and told him to give it to someone special. I was still puzzled and he never did answer my question, he just leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and we pretty much spent the rest of the day holding hands and looking at Tess's smug smile. A few months later we broke up because he didn't think he could hand the distance, even though it wasn't all that far. We saw each other a few times after that and he finally broke down and told me that he made a really big mistake breaking up and that he was wrong and that if I could handle the distance then so could he so we tried again and we were pretty happy except for a few flaws. He had a bit of trouble controlling his emotions, It wasn't like he'd hit me or anything he just got really jealous or really mad or really depressed and there didn't seem to be a natural balance between them. The cause i soon found out by asking around was drugs. It really sucked to know that and I had to tell Tess but she couldn't bear to tell her parents so we tried to deal with it. It became a routine he would say he's clean and then I'd find out he wasn't. Back and forth. Tug O' War and eventually the rope snapped or more specifically i did I told them I couldn't take it anymore and that I wish i could help but obviously i couldn't and I left for good. Me and tess stayed bestest friend but I'd cut HIM out of my life completely. he called I blocked, he text I ignored, he pleaded I didn't hear it, but I wasn't heartless and I was worried tess gave me play by plays on how he was doing and it help a little. Eventually he got better and was able to quit and actually stay clean this time and he finally got in touch with me through his sister pleading his case to me. I finally talked to him. He begged me to come back. I told him I couldn't. Back and forth it went. We finally compromised on being just friend which was the best thing ever and made me so happy to know I could have him in my life and not be dating him. But if this is what's best for the both of us why does it feel so weird? so hollow like I'm faking it? I don't want to be with him but I don't want him to be with anyone else. I hope its just me being protective cause I've seen him sooo vulnerable at times, but how do I know if it's something more than that? I'm just so confused right now. Maybe it was better when we weren't talking at all? A little help from anyone...please. Sorry this was so long I feel bad about adding in the useless details I said I wouldn't add in so sorry everyone <3 I called him and explained that we would be better of not being friends. I just wanted to see how he would take it and he was still his usual damn persistent self lol He told me to wait for his email and I did. it was a song link, cause he really knows me and he knows that lyrics or music are the best way to get through to me. Here's what he sent, I don't know what the point of putting it down is but you might as well know his side of things orwhat he thinks it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewPhB0NBXqs and here's the other one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzYfjUQAAWk and the last one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKxC9FKQBuY there all a little too sappy for my taste and I bet the jerk knew that but sent them anyways. They did kinda make me cry though... its just sad to see him trying so hard to show me something I've always known. He cares.... ugh i kinda hate myself right now for not being able to make up my stupid mind. Here you go Lena, I'm 13 and he's 15, and ya I know we're young (especially me) and that I'm probably in over my head but it's not like I asked to fall for that big dummy, it just kinda happened, i guess. =)

Public Comments

1. yes
2. Aww girl, I'm going to start by saying I'm very sorry about all of that. Drugs are a very hard thing to deal with in friends and boyfriends especially when you really care about them and you want them to get help. It's really good that he accepted help and is now clean for sure this time. I know it takes a few times before you can stay clean for a while and even then it's rocky. But he's trying so you have to see that and be thankful for it. I can tell you really care about him, I think that was the cutest thing the way y'all got together! You don't want to see him with anyone else because you do love him and that's also protectiveness but it might also be jealousy. Just think about everything with him, do you want to be with him again? I can tell he cares for you just by the way you typed about everything that happened. I think he would be happier being with you, but is that what you want? It's your decision, do what's right for you. I hope everything works out and this helped somewhat! Good Luck!
3. wow. i cant believe i actually read all that lol. to be honest i think your best without him. it just hurts now because your not fully over him. i think as soon as you find another guy you will stop feeling so protective over him and will be able to move on. i dont think you two can just 'be friends' however, there's to much between you. and you said yourself it feels weird. my advice is to try and stop seeing him even as friends, date some more guys and move on.
4. That's a tough situation, its hard because whenever you are close to someone, its alwaysstarts with friendship, often that is the hardest thing to let go of .. but if you are finding it difficult to be friends because he wants to get back together and you dont, perhaps for your own sake as well as his its better not to have any contact, that might sound harsh but in the long run you and he will be happier because you both will be able to properly move on. that being said i really do wish you the best of luck
5. it seems like you care for him, so why not be friends? you may not be over him yet, which is why you're acting jealous. give it time. however, if he relapses, i would cut off all ties with him for good, no question. let him know this too. good luck
6. yes so dont be and can u please post his and urs age because that will help me re anwser this question
7. omg i stopped reading this at "urgent"
8. yes srry i didnt read it all i got bored at okay so my best friend....
9. ok, true enough the story was long but at least you wrote it correctly and properly. I enjoyed the reading though I did not enjoy th situation. I will honestly say, because my mind is a bit boggled at the moment, I hope all things work out in your favor. Live your life and go for what you want at any age or any time and place. Obstacles and tribulations come and go. No matter what the situation may be, you'll be fine. But that doesn't go for any old person. there are just some people in the world who don't deserve good things to come their way, but you seem like a decent person, so I wish the best for you. *By the way, the story you wrote has some beautiful parts in it, almost seemed like a fantasy, but It was a interesting reading and I enjoyed the sweet parts.*
10. i think yu shuld give it another try. lyk u said..yur 13 ryte? yu got tyme <3