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He's confused I'm confused?

This is a little long so please bear with me. I've been seeing this guy for almost two years now. We have both been married, and both have children that are preteen and teenagers (he was married twice). He's very involved with his children and makes a nine hour drive at least once a month to see them over a weekend so that he stays involved in there lives as well as spends time with his family who are another three hours from there. We are both in the military. He just got back from Iraq last year in Oct and I left for the middle East in Nov. We use to work together and were together for a little over eight months before he left for Iraq. He's the sweetest guy ;0) Ever since we've been together, we have talked on the phone almost everyday (at least 2-4 times a day) including while he was in Iraq. If it wasn't by phone, it was an email, chat or webcam. I can't complain in that department. He got care packages from me just about every other week. He's alway putting money into my account or sending me things that I need that I can't get over here. He came back from Iraq and I was getting ready to head off , we spend a few days together before I left. He was suppose to spend a week with me before I left, but, I guess some things at parents home with his family and kids had to be taken care of so we only ended up spending two days together before I flew out. Here's where it get's confusing. I'm going on leave next week, and I've been planning this for the last two months to go home and see my kids and spend time with my boyfriend as well. Anyway, we were trying to get our times and dates together so we could see each other well, he's had some personal issues arise and he's got a little stressed about it. When I mentioned when he wanted me to come up there he said why don't you take your entire leave period and spend it with your kids and maybe I'll meet you over the weekend and spend a day or so with you before you fly back. He said if the shoe was on the other foot, he'd spend his leave with his kids. I'm not knocking him for wanting to spend time with his kids because that's what I'm going to do. Here I am half way around the world in the middle east and I'm taking the time to spend with someone who say's that they love me, and says they are committed to me but, after the discussion got a little heated (two o'clock in the morning my time) when I asked him how important this relationship was to him..his answer, "I'm not sure. He's a really good dad, he's driven the nine hours just to go to kids football games and driven back to be back at work the next morning (I got him to start flying since I was worried about him falling asleep at the wheel). He's stressed about work, bills, his children. I understand and I've been there as well. It hurt me to think that he wasn't sure after all this time. I didn't talk to him for a couple of days, I needed to really do some sorting and think about what I wanted to say and do and what we needed to do. When I talked to him this morning and started to make some suggestions as far as maybe taking a break (a break and I thought being over here in the middle east was enough of a break!), he tells me what ever I choose to do but, that's not what he meant, He says that he just needs to prioritize things in his life, that he doesn't want to take a break that he loves me and cares very much for me but he just needs to figure things out. (now mind you he's not in his twenties, he just turned 40). He doesn't want to lose me. Maybe come out to the airport when I land to see me......for a few days (now we are back a square one.). Then after this long three hour conversation, he then tells me that he just found out that the kids are on spring break at the end of the month and he wants to go down and get them provided their mom doesn't have anything planned. I'm a single parent with one disabled child and one teen and I've managed to balance (though it hasn't been always easy) my family, my military career, and my relationship and I'm close to retirement. I've been through alot, a lengthy divorce, a child with severe medical problems, deployment, and through all of that, I still managed to try and maintain some sanity. Even after this discussion, the next day, he calls just as usual to say good morning, to let me know what his plans are afterwork and then to say good night. He's attentive, caring, and overall a sweet guy, most women would kill for. I never have to complain that he doesn't call because he always calls when he's says he will, even when he was deployed and before we get off the phone, he will always say "I love you." All I want to do is spend some quality time with my man since we don't get to see each other and yes I know the long distance plays a role as well Okay, but what am I missing here?

Public Comments

1. We are all confused here.
2. Oh god. I don't think anyone sane would read that, no one would want to do that to themselves. Well, reading the last sentence I'll just say give it time and see how it works out. If you love him and he loves you, then it'll be worth the short while.
3. You're missing what he's telling you. He's not sure. He has a lot to figure out and he's got to figure out where you fit into all of his baggage. Granted the long distance doesn't help. Just give him some time. If he tells you to take your leave and spend it with your children, do it! If he's really worth the effort, you have to be patient. Maybe he's not as easily adaptable as you. Maybe he's still in turmoil about everything he has to do. If he calls you every day and he's the one that initiates it, then there's nothing for you to worry about. Be supportive. Don't make him feel like a jerk because he's putting his children above you. You have to remember his children will always be there, they're his blood. It's only right for him to want to put them above you. It doesn't mean that he thinks less of you though. Just be there for him. One of these days the hectic lifestyle of you both will slow down and you'll be able to spend more time together. In the meantime, just love him the way he is and stand by his decisions. He'll figure it out and come to you when he does. Just be happy with the moments you have. :)
4. I think you may be missing the other woman he is seeing each month when he goes to see his kids. Unfortunately, nice guys can't go a long time without sex, just like the naughty guys