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What do you think of the first 2 chapters of my novel that i am writing?

I would like you to put your opions and criticisms on it and also say if you think it is copyright(i may have subconciously remembered things from games and books etc....) Here it is: VLASTOROS The end of the beginning Chapter 1: Got to start somewhere In the beginning, there was nothing, nothing but the silent moans of concealed darkness, then a light emerged with a purpose. The moans grew louder, there was a familiar clinking sound…… “Up and rise scum!” The shout threw the universe out of balance, the world started spinning wildly until it came into focus… “You deaf, prisoner, I said follow me!” The creature stepped forwards and reached down, a sudden clink followed. “Come on, just let me do my job and follow me, someone wishes to speak to you” I felt the first life in my body emerge as I managed to stand and realised something was missing. I felt naked, then it hit me, my foot brace had been unlocked, that was the strange clink. “Certainly” I replied after much basking in my newly found freedom. So I followed him and almost lost my eyes at the sight of the light, then the world came into focus, it was no longer spinning and I saw water and grass. I enthusiastically ran forward, only to fall to the floor. “Still getting your land legs I see” the man previously thought as a creature laughed. “C’mon, I’ll help you up. A faint and growing quire of hisses and boo’s jumped at me; I was leaving my poor friends behind, I thought before I realised that I had not seen nor spoke to any of the things in there! I therefore started walking towards a large white marble tower and being sure not to trip again. Two great statues seems to part for me, as a door emerged from the tower. They opened with a spine chilling grind of a jammed mechanism but carried on opening, as if a great power forced them open. A blinding white light came out of the doors, but a pure and warming light at the same time. I looked for guidance, and it came, a loud but soft voice whispered to my ear “come in”. I looked around to see if anyone else heard it, apparently not, as the only thing I received were strange stares from fully armoured men. I proceeded as I was told… Chapter 2: A meeting of severe precautions I was greeted by the eyes of the most stunning man I had ever seen, he was perfect, in all aspects of his looks and his voice. These magnificent thoughts were ruined by the look of a shining silver dagger in his hands. I looked around but the doors had shut behind me, and the light made any other exits invisible. So I did the only thing I could, put up a fight. I found a statue wearing sharp darkened armour and broke free of my wrist chains, at least I could move properly now. I saw my life reflected in that dagger, useful but only used under certain circumstances. As I pondered this, the dagger flew past me head and into the statue. Without a second thought I grabbed it in self defence. “Destroy these solid statues” the voice said plainly. “What?! That’s not possible!” Was my unordered reply. “You, you will be surprised at your own power” Just as that last comment was made, the dagger started glistening, black? When he held it, it was white but it was black for me? A fire deep inside me murmured “Game on”. So with this sudden inspiration I uttered a single word and ran the circumference of the room, dagger held to my side. To my astonishment they all collapsed and 4 men stepped out of the rubble to stand in a line in front of me. “What is this?!” I demanded impatiently. “Look in your heart, relate yourself to these men….. Do you see it? I guess not… The first man wears black robes, to symbolise your anger and destructive side. The second man wears red, to relate to your use of your anger, bloodshed. The third man wears green and white, to stand for your goodness and kind side. The last man wears robes of black with gold trimmings on the sleeves and hem of his robe, you can tell me what this represents?” “M-my f-f-fa…” I could not say any more “Yes lad, your father, the magic and burning desire within you” Was the finish to my sentence. “Now, kill them!” I was instantly on the ground, knocked over by a signiture spell only people in my family know. As I rose to my feet, the dagger emitted a red glow instead of a black one, so I lunged myself at the man in red, his robes didn’t even have to change colour! It turned green and I threw the dagger in the direction of the man, my goodness and kind side, as if to punish it, I threw it with resentment and my families magic spell. To my amazement, he dodged it, and it went straight towards my father figure within me. He fell to the ground and the other two vanished on the spot. I ran to my father and held him, he was not quite dead! Then he too vanished, along with the other man. “This is what has become of your life, the dagger represents this, it is an old family heirloom I happened to find in your ancestors tomb. All that seems to be left with you is your hatred, thanks, but i can honestly say i have never touched one of his books i'm 14 years old i see what you say, but his past will be revealed in dreams and visions he has whilst he undergoes his task to find the tomb of his ancestor, the middle is still in the works... Yes the black robes symbolise his anger and hatred, the red describes HOW he uses that anger, if you read it over, you may understand and its neither of those genres, it is a fantasy, set in medievil times

Public Comments

1. I Like It, Its The Kind Of Book I Would Read! Good Use Of Description As Well. =] It Reminds Me A Little Bit Of Darren Shan Books And There Amazing!! =]
2. How old are you????????? YOU ARE VERY GOOD. I would read one of your books, is it horror??????? or SI/FI. Keep at it, i think that you have a career at this, god bless.
3. Look, buddy, it's totally cliched. Worse rubbish has been published.
4. It is pretty good, I like it! It may get a bit confusing when the main character is going with the creature, perhaps you should mention more of his past before he goes into the room. E.g. Why is he even there? How did he get there? Was he captured did he go there himself? Ask yourself these questions before going into the main plot because we don't know any of these and it may get confusing. And the colour of the robes, you used anger twice, is that right? You used it with: (I'll do it in block capitals) The first man wears black robes, to symbolise your ANGER and destructive side. The second man wears red, to relate to your use of your ANGER, bloodshed. Good Luck with your book, it is great! :)
5. Keep at it;o) The first chapter would benefit greatly from a more detailed description of the jail (or cell) that the character is held in. Maybe some detail about the weight of the shackles that held him and the intesity of having it taken off. How long was he there? What condition was he in (sick, thin, dirty, etc)? Some of this can be answered later in the story, but the 1st chapter needs to give me more. When I read I like to see the scene that I am reading in my head. I had a hard time envisioning the characters surroundings. What style of statues did he see? What material was the cell made out of (stone)? I think it is a great start. Just keep in mind that you know the story and you have a vision of the setting in your head. When other people read your work you need to paint a picture for them in words. Good luck!