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Is it wrong for ex's to share happy birthday wishes on their respective birthdays?

My husband and I are recovering from his prior infidelity which included his ex-wife. It has been over one year but my heart is still not fully recovered. He seems to think I have forgotten everything but I have not. It gets easier everyday but the pain is still there. Plus, I just learned he called his ex to wish her happy birthday on her birth date??? I want my marriage to heal but things just keep popping up. Is this marriage worth saving? Is my husband a serial cheater who should be left to his dirty ways??? They do share a child which is now an adult (22 years old).

Public Comments

1. Well, he deinitely shouldn't be calling her. Set that man straight.
2. i would never forgive a cheater. once a cheater, always a cheater.
3. Duh - yea. Ex's for a reason. Does he call all his old enemies to wish them happy birthday too.
4. He's not making the situation any easier for you. What a turd! I honestly don't think he's looking to save your marriage, so maybe you should get out. You don't deserve to be worrying about his next move when it sounds like he's not even making the effort. You don't need the hassle!! It won't be easy but you'll be happier in the long run! Serial cheater about sums it up! Good luck.
5. I think it's normal for ex's to stay in touch only if there are children involved, in which case they have to try to remain friendly and civil, and it would be normal. If there are no children involved, it isn't normal. Ex's usually don't stay in touch without that connection. Your instincts are probably right about him being a serial cheater. Go with your gut on it. If he is, no it isn't worth saving. Did he cheat on his ex to get with you? Then you will have the same done again. That's how it goes.
6. Oh no, does he have kids with her? She will always be in the picture then and if he cheated on you you should have left him.
7. listen hun, i definitely feel your pain. i've never been married but i have been cheated on in the past. all i can say is..if hes still contacting her..LEAVE HIM..he needs to realize that you are his life, not her. you are the one he comes home to, the one who he decided to spend his future with. if he cant commit to that..then he doesn't deserve you. when my x cheated on me..i was heart broken..thought that i wouldn't get over it, but i did..im not going to lie, it hurts like hell in the Begining but it gets better, much much better, to the point where you will wish you would have acted on your feelings sooner... best of luck
8. Yeah i think it is wrong
9. Not a big deal. It was just a b-day wish, which is harmless.
10. I have been through that and I still am going trough it. No contact with the ex at all. Why? do that have a child together? If not there is no way he should be talking to her.
11. The fact that he cheated with her forbids him to contact her for any reasons. If they have children together 'you' should be the one dealing the details. Calling her 'at all for any reasons' is inappropriate and unacceptable!
12. It would normally not be wrong at all and I would usually encourage good relations for ex spouses. But, in your case with infidelity involving her, it is not at all OK. Most cheaters are serial cheaters and I have no idea how you get trust back once there is infidelity. To me, infidelity is a marriage 'deal-breaker'. I'm not even sure if it is worth it to save a marriage like yours to be honest. If things keep 'popping up' as you say - it does not look good. Only you can decide what you are willing to put up with. I wish you luck and peace.
13. That all depends on the person. I speak to my ex-wife at least 5 times a week and that doesnt include email/texts. Granted i do call to talk to my kids but we still remain very good friends and are very close. We are both remarried and both of us told our spouses if they have issues with one aothers ex then we would break it off. But if there is nothing tying them together such as kids or anything then he shouldnt be talking to her
14. If he cheated with her, he should minimize or eliminate contact. If they do not have kids, he should not be in touch with her at all. Trust is withdrawn once it is breached. And they should *never* meet in person again.
15. You didn't mention they have kids together, so no he is defiantly in the wrong. To get past an affair the adulter has to make a complete break from the other person, and never contact them again. How else can he devote all his attention to regaining your trust, when he still has someone else and hidden agendas on his mind. It may be time for you to make some life changing decisions.
16. i am also dealing with a broken heart from my husband. i feel as if i can't breath sometimes, i suffer because of their sin. however i can say no not once a cheater always a cheater, i have a friend who had an affair and then she never did again, you got to say to him, look, i am sensitive about this, maybe you just meant to say happy birthday but to me it is like a stab in the back, stupid men have no sense of timing, he should have known this would hurt you, this was no time to think about her birthday even if she was on his mind, people do what they want to do in life, if he din't want to be with you he simply wouldn't be with you. do not look for areas of contention but if he calls her again i would drag him to a marriage counselor to see what he really wants in life, maybe he doesnt even know .