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Can you please read my story and tell me what you think?

Ok so go easy on me, I'm only 14 :D So the story is called Forever Broken. Here is Chapter 1. Hope you like it!! Chapter 1 “SLOW DOWN!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, “You’re going to get us KILLED!” “Oh, shut up,” roared my brother, Andrew, “You’re such a wimp. Take a risk for God’s sakes. I’m fine.” “Says the boy who’s driving 100 miles per hour!” I yelled. Andy just glared at me in response then tilted his head back, screaming hysterically with laughter. His breath washed over me and I was overcome with nausea, the scent burning my throat. I gagged. “You’re drunk!” I cried reproachfully to my brother. “Yeah,” he sneered, “So what?” “So? SO!?! Pull over now!” I screamed. Never in my life had I been so scared. I glanced over at the face that usually held care and love for me and kindness in his eyes, but now there was just a cold hatred. I shivered slightly at the hostility, and turned to look out my window, freezing at the sight. Houses, cars, and trees whizzed by at deadly speeds, dark and light colors mixing together to form a swirly blob. “Andy,” I whispered, “Andy. Pull over and give me the keys so I can drive.” My hands started to shake, and I took a deep breath, forcing myself to be calm. “You?” he snarled, “Ha! That’s a laugh. You’re not even sixteen, stupid. You don’t even know how to drive.” Whispering, I said, “I don’t care. We’d still be safer. You could... direct me how to do it.” I prayed over and over again in my head that he would agree. Andrew just kept chuckling, and jerked hard to the right as his eyes went back to being glued to the dark road. I wanted to slap that grin off that face of his and make him look at me, to see who he was hurting. I wanted to make him see reason. I didn’t like this new Andrew that was piss drunk and didn’t realize that he was hurting his little sister, emotionally and physically. I wanted to cry and scream, but I had to stay calm. I glanced around and saw the radio tuner. Perfect. Grinning to myself, I casually put my hand over the dial and started turning it back and forth. Andrew’s eyes flickered to my hand and muttered something. Realizing I couldn’t hear him, he shouted, “What are you doing?!” His head was turned towards me, his eyes wide with fury. “I’m changing the radio station,” I replied calmly, keeping my inner emotions in place. Slowly, I realized my hand was shaking, and forced it to stop, waiting until it did to proceed. I slowly inched my hand farther than the radio tuning dial, holding my breath to see if Andrew was paying attention to me. I glanced at his face, and saw that his eyes were on the road. I breathed a sigh of relief, and inched my hand farther. Little beads of sweat popped up along my brow as I reached nearer and nearer to the keys in the ignition. Then all hell broke loose. Andrew had seen my hand and jerked the steering wheel, throwing me off-balance as I desperately tried to keep hold of the keys. I landed on Andrew’s lap and he roughly pushed me off and grabbed the arm connected to the keys, yanking as hard as he could. I yowled in pain, but still held on. He tickled me violently and then, as I was a little breathless, grabbed my pinkie and twisted it backwards, breaking it. I screamed in pain and anger, finally letting go. Andrew was yelling at me and had his body turned towards me, pushing me hard against the glass. My head hit the window with a loud crack, and I howled in agony, feeling the trickle of blood flow down my neck. I then glanced at the steering wheel, which was twisting and turning out of control, while my brother was making a struggle to keep me away from it. I lunged at it, using all the strength I had, but my brother pushed me away once more, this time jabbing his elbow into my ribs, making me gasp hastily for air. I looked up into the hateful eyes of my loving and caring brother and tried to see the little of his true personality that was still in there. I then gave up and turned my head to look out the windshield. To look at the intersection we were barreling towards. It was about 9:00 at night and it was very busy. The way we were going, all light were red, which seemed to be screaming, STOP! Stop before you kill yourself! Danger! I gasped, trying to grasp the words I was so desperately trying to shout. I came back into reality when we were a mere 50 feet away from death. “Andy, Andrew,” I cried, “brake, BRAKE!!!” I heard his intake of breath as he turned to face reality. That was the last thing I heard before we crashed into 20 bars of 80 ton metal. So... How was it? Please feel free to give me some constructive criticism :D Thanks!! Hope you like it! I already have up to Chapter 7.. And I'm thinking of putting it up on Fictionpress.com... Oh well! Thanks again for reading! I just sort of whipped this up one day, and it's pretty much a rough draft. I will have to put in some more d Thank you all for your answers!!! They really helped me out a lot and I will definitely use your suggestions when I edit :) Oh and I describe what the characters look like in Chapter 2, but I will put down some more descriptions in Chapter 1. So... Thank you thank you thank you for reading and helping me out!!! I was so nervous to put this up but now I have more confidence to continue on with the story :) After I finish a couple more chapters I will eventually post it up on one of those sites where people can read/rate/comment on my story. Does anybody know any good sites to do that? Thanks to all in advance!! :D Oh and I don't know what to put in for the prologue... Or if I should even put one. Should I put a prologue? And if so what should I put in it? Thanks again to all in advance!! Oh and I know that he wouldn't go totally berserk and start hurting his little sister when he was only drunk, it was partly because of an event that took place earlier and he was still angered by it and afterwards he went and got himself totally wasted in his depression. So.. yea. Just to let you know. I put in more detail in Chapter 4 :) Thanks to all who answered!! I'm editing it right now :) Ok so I finally put up my story up onto worthyofpublishing.com. It's nowhere near being finished, though :D Here is the link if you want to read the rough draft :) http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/book.asp?book_ID=4234 You just have to scroll down and click on the chapters:D

Public Comments

1. The intensity is definitely there. What does Andy look like though? You said his eyes showed fury, what color? I actually had a crush from high school die when he was driving his motorcycle drunk. Although this is a car...but the situation is still scary and real. You relay that very well.
2. Could be interesting but I have to say, first I hope you meant to say "howled" in pain, i've never heard someone who is supposed to be that young use yowled and the tickling violently before breaking my finger part kinda threw me off, but all in all it has potential.
3. I'm impressed. I was actually captivated by the story and you painted a very vivid image in my minds eye of both characters. I could see them and I could almost hear her finger break . BRAVO!! You have extreme talent.
4. Overall, I think it's pretty good. There are a couple things I would suggest, though. *Never start a story with dialogue. I don't really know why that is, but I've heard numerous times that it's not the best way to go. *I know you're trying to explain how they are talking, but things can just be "said." You use shrieked, cried, yelled, whispered, but you rarely used "said." *I got a little confused at the part when Andy lost control of the car. It went a little too fast. Try slowing the pace down a little bit. *Lastly, this sentence really bothered me: Whispering, I said, “I don’t care. It should be either "I whispered" or "I said." Don't use both. I would give it maybe a 7 or 7.5/10 Good job and good luck with the writing!
5. It was pretty good, the first sentence drew me in. That's the kind of thing you want your readers to feel like. I think that you could maybe slow it down a little and put some more detail into is. And get rid of the "My brother, Andrew," Please. Your cramping to much in of that part. You should say "Your brother" And then the reader will probably make the connection that he is Andrew, seeing how Andrew is driving the car. Also, I don't think people totally lose themselves when their drunk. I think they're just really stupid and really have no idea of what's going on, so I don't think that Andrew should attack his sister, a big brother who's character is suppose to be kind wouldn't do that kind of thing to her unless he was on some sort of drug, or maybe he had a reaction to the alcohol. Hope I helped.