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I told my best friend who is also my roommate to stop paying his relatives bills, and now his mad with me.?

My best friend, is a guy I really respect and admire. We have known eachother 3 months now, and when I say we are best friends we are, its a deep spiritual connection friendship. We do lots of stuff together, also I showed him what a true friend is because when he got sick 2 weeks ago with the flu none of his other so called friends were there for him but I was, I doctored him. Well anyway we both work jobs, careers, and although his relatives, work and or receive benefits he pays some of their bills. Like car note, and utility bills. If he was only paying a cell phone bill I would be mute to this, but this man pays almost $ 600.00 a month on their bills alone, and so Monday this week, I just sat him down in the living room and told him, look stop paying their bills, they are taking advantage of you. Thats not love, thats called using someone, when they stupidly are doing so. My friend is 23, I am 22 he is an architect in training, plus he is a successful realtor for the last year and has made nearly $ 250,000 this year alone from representing luxury properties. He told me its his turn to take care of them but I told, look it was their duty to take care of you as a minor, but as an adult you're not obligated to them financially. It pisses me off because he just isnt seeing that he is being used. Paying a cell phone bill is one thing, or even a water bill, but paying car not plus insurance, and sometimes all utility bills with car note is just plain being taken advantage of. I told him to stop doing that, they are using him, etc.... and although he is my best friend mutually he just flipped out on me, and told me its his wallet and he'll do what he wants with it. He told me mind my own business. The thing is though I have been blunt with him on several other things and he didnt flip out on me. That was Monday, and now its friday I have tried going into his room but he keeps his door locked now, and wrote him several letters on this, I understand he is mad, but I spoke the truth. I'll tell you on his girlfriend in my next q. Yeah I know hell come around but he's too good of a friend to lose. He's more than a club friend, or friend you go to mall with and thats it, this man is really a true friend. I need advice on this thanks

Public Comments

1. He is right. Maybe he has enough and feels he wants to see his family have some comfort too. It is NONE of your business to tell him what to do with the money HE earns. Leave him alone. You are not his mother, and you are not his financial advisor either. You don't even sound like a good friend (from his standpoint) when you talk badly about his family. You don't tell someone that their FAMILY is using them. That is serious! Blood is thicker than water, and they are his Blood relatives!!! If you want to advise him, just tell him tht he needs to save some and make some invests to earn money for his retirement. Don't get into his family's business. I realize that you were only trying to be helpful, but this is where you have to draw the line.
2. "[He]...told me its his wallet and he'll do what he wants with it..." That, right there, is basically all that it boils down to! It is HIS money that he worked for, and from what you stated he's doing very well for himself. So what if he wants to pay $600 a month for some people that he cares about and/or feels indebted to? He can certainly afford to do so if he makes the kind of money you're saying. A lot of people choose to give way more than this to charity, and it's their choice; they're entitled to do whatever they want with the money they earn in order to make themselves/others feel better! Also, as close as you are to this person you can't really claim that you know everything there is to know about his relationship with his family, maybe there are certain things that he hasn't shared with you. I have a best friend of 18 years that I still learn new things about from time to time, 3 months is not a lot of time. (I'm not trying to belittle the value of your friendship or say you're not close friends, just pointing out that maybe you're not in a position to make that call about his family) Also, for a lot of people ultimately when it comes down to it Family trumps friends.
3. tell him you are sorry but don't want to see him being used. if he has the money and he wants to help you have to let him.
4. I actually think you did the right thing but he is a guy my best mate is also a guy and they get over it, you living together he'll start speaking to you again soon, stop it with the letters tho its annoying for him. For now on you don't have to mention his family life because you already made it clear what you think. Hopefully this will recover with time. If his gf is having funny spells with you just ignore it and keep out the way cos she just feels intimidated by you. Also if he earns 250k a year then it isn't that bad i intend to look after my family when i earn enough.
5. he loves his family, and wants to help, you cross over the line, there are some things that is best left alone,