Success Happy

How do I keep a successful man when I'm on welfare?

I recently started dating a guy I knew in High School. He's a successful, educated, single father, and home owner. I'm a single mother of 3 on public assistance just starting college at the age of 35 living in an tiny apartment in a bad area. I have always dated thugs or bad boys, and a man like this is a blessing but also new to me. I'm concerned that I will become too much of a burden on him and eventually lose him. He can cook better than me. And I can't afford to take him out. Even though he's struggling financially he pays for dates although I know he's use to women that takes him or equally. He takes himself out from time to time to movies, dinner, etc. and he invites me and pays although he did these things alone when he was single. I don't want sex to be the only thing I can offer this man, but I really can't see what I can offer him in the long run until I finish college in 4 years. I borrowed $5 for gas to see him last week, before I was going to ask him for $5 to get home I found out he borrowed $50 from his dad to take me out that night. I know we don't have to go out all the time, but he will still have the burden of feeding me and me using resources at his home because we can sit up at my little apartment in front of my boys. I have brothers and they all have told me that men get tired of women in my situation real quick, especially if they are needy or always have their hands out. Can anyone give me any advice, because I don't want to lose this man.

Public Comments

1. Ok girl listen up. I'm a single mother of two and my dating life has been awesome and I'll tell you my secret. I ALWAYS act confident and indepent (even when i don't feel it). When I start to feel like he's paying for too much or doing too much I find a creative way to turn the table like planning a picnic or just something simple and cheap that makes him feel good. (you could even take some massage oil to his place and pamper him). Don't ever make him think you see yourself as a charity case. In fact turn him down sometimes when he's wanting to spend more money on you. Just say "I just don't want you wasting all your money on me" or something that lets him know you're not a charity case. If he's a really good guy, he's going to insist that you let him keep doing what he's doing.... but just keep reminding him that you are independant are trying your hardest. Men don't like bums, but they do like women who are truly trying and would never use them or mooch off of them. And to keep him feeling good about it, pay him back by doing those small things for him like rubbing his shoulders or back or just making him feel like he's the most awesome man alive. Men show their love by providing..... Women show their love by building him up and letting him know how appreciated he is. I really hope this helps..... I know exactly how you feel but it's all in your mind. If you keep telling yourself he's going to get tired of it and leave you then he probably will. Negative thought reflect in our actions and attitudes. Think positive and be confident and he won't lose interest any time soon ;)
2. First let me congratulate you on the fact you have kept yourself smart, focused and working towards a better tomarrow. Also, this is a great question and well stated. From my male point of view, I like to be with someone that is about getting things done. I love to have my sense excited... like when the woman I am with looks hot (Sight). I have a cookbook collection, and here is a great book that teaches so much for such a small price: $25 "The New Best Recipe" (Taste and Smell). Also, perhaps consider a satan blouse with a lacy bra under it: (Touch). Then there is a library card to check out video movies, books on tape and books to show him you are smart enough to have a good time without spending money. The reason guys get tire of "Welefare" women is because they do not mix things up and have fun without spending money. The relationship becomes a repetitive act to fill the woman's need to spend what the man has worked so hard to get. This is why I say try picnics, flying kites, watching adult sports at your local parks and recreation department (I like softball, football, basketball, and soccer). Also, your boys can run around at the park while the two of you hold hands and talk. Also, always keep things positive. Never bad mouth anyone or anything. Never talk about what you don't have but what you do have and how to have fun with what you do have. Always be the one that has a plan for going forward in a positve manner. For example, never say, "You forgot to do..." say, "Lets do this." On a personal note, I would say stop going out for meals. Save your money for doing those special things... like living out your fantacies together... like going someplace for a weekend. And besides, we guys always say, "there is nothing like a home cooked meal." There are really so many excellent cookbooks, recipes from the internet, and cooking shows out there. And look at what you can now cook that restaurants can't! Then also consider, if he can cook better than you, sounds like a fun activity the both of you can do together... have him show you how to cook what you like that he cooks! Change of attitude: life is about getting things done. Also, perhpas here are a few thoughts that may help the other respondent: Attitude shapes behavior(s). We men do show our love by providing... but that is way later... after we are married. Do you want to demonstrate and attitude of loving the man or what he can provide for you? Besides, doesn't accepting payment for services rendered sounds like prostitution? We want to partner with special women. Does a "Strong" attitude after a hard day of work sound like something you would want to come home to? Further, isn't an "Independant" attitude just that?... one of wanting to be independant and alone? Perhaps consider a loving, loyal attitude of partnering together. Good luck.