Success Happy

Does this have potential?

I wrote this, is it good? Please no haters. I am only 13 Chapter 1 The sound of hushed whispers tormented me. The breeze brushed his icy cold hand over my face and the sun seemed to be on his side. I had a trivial little fire to keep my fingers warm as I wait for the sound of hooves pounding against the dirt. My sister, Fay, was asleep on my lap, curled up in my small jacket struggling to keep warm. My feet were numb pressed under my knees. The animal skin wrapped around my feet was as thin as a strand of hair and easily let cold in. Fay moved in her sleep. Dreaming, I suppose, of a better life than this. A faint smile appeared on her face, her sweet innocent face. Then, I listened for men’s voices. A yell, more than a mile away, was followed by the sound of dogs. I woke Fay and told her to untie the horse, and as she stumbled to the black horse I put out the fire and hustled to put my jacket on. I almost leaped onto the horse and then pulled my sister aboard. She fastened the knapsack to the saddle and I started running. She hung close to my body and as we ran the wind felt like whips against my face. The hooves pounded with great force in the ground. My hair whipped against my face and my eyes started to water. The barking got louder. I assumed they too were on horse and they were much faster. Our horse was old and had trouble carrying us both, even though we had both lost much weight. We rode for only minutes before I heard the barking stop. They must be checking to make sure they are still on the right track. I took this time to get ahead and urged my horse to go faster. We rode for hours on end when I decided time for a break. The sun had started to rise and we all needed to rest so we had energy as night fell again. I am running away because the government of my country has foretold hundreds of years ago that I would become in power. The only problem with that is that I am a woman. Women were not allowed to take the throne and they intend to keep it that way by killing me off. If I am gone then I won’t take throne. Personally, I don’t care for a position of power. “Stella, I am hungry. Do we have any meat left?” Fay longingly asked. “Yes, we do but let’s save it. Who knows when we could find food? I should go scavenging.” “Ok, but what should I do?” I thought for a minute and answered, “You can find water. We are almost out.” She nodded and headed for the canteen. As she unhooked it the brush became so thick I could barely see anymore. She wouldn’t have a hard time because in the faint distance I heard rushing water. In my attempt to see through the trees, I had tripped over something. After I caught my balance, I noticed a small transparent tripwire had gotten caught on my boot. I looked for the start of the wire. Then I saw the cause for the trip wire. Underneath the old fern in my path, a net lay there waiting for my body to get entangled in it. Its dark brown color easily blended with the soil and the other transparent wires followed it up the tree. Unfortunately, next to the fern that towered over the net was a small berry plant. I could not pick from it without getting caught. I had to get the berries, though. Without them my sister would go hungry. So I reached for the berries. I tried as hard as I could not to touch the net. Almost there… Just a few more inches… I can almost touch them... ALMOST! Then it was over. My feet collapsed under me and I felt the ground under me and then it disappeared. I felt air rush past my face and the sudden jerk of everything suddenly stopping. I swayed for a moment and then I collided with the base of a large oak. I felt scratches form on my arms. The swaying stopped and I searched I yelled. “Fay! Fa-ay! Help Fay! Please

Public Comments

1. Yes you have allot of potential as a writer i would say to keep writing no matter what people say
2. Yes, your a very good writer.
3. yes.......