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How can I describe happiness and absolute desperation intertwined?

I'm just about to write a scene in my book, the main character arrives at what was his home (but he can't remember, it's been twenty years since he was last there). He climbs through a hole in the wall (the city was surrounded by a wall), and smiles (happiness) but as soon as he does his heart sinks and he experiences a flashback. I don't think I'll be able to get the right message across, he's happy but at the same time he feels like his world has been shattered.

Public Comments

1. I think, for one his smile should disappear and you should describe how his insides (emotions) start to shatter and wilt but part of him is still happy at where he is. He's pained but he enjoys being back. Explain it like the feeling when you see something that reminds you of sad things but also good, like the emotion when people remember something of a dead relative, happy but sad. But the opposite of the dead relative, because with a relative you are sad that it happened (the memory of being with them is happy) but what happened (Them dying) is sad. It sounds like you want the opposite (the memory is sad but the thing he is looking at makes him happy). I'm sorry I'm bad at explaning. Or he's depressed and angry and scared and sad (described by emotions and facialexpressions) but happy because hiseyes are know open and he knows more (described by emotions or hving him still smile a bit, even if his eyes aren't smiling and look dead) Sorry I wasn't muchhelp, you can email me if you want help brainstorming some more!