Success Happy

help me with my personal experience in h.s and college?

It has been observed that as much, if not more, can be learned from failure as from success. We all know it's true; failures are often very informative, particularly if you can trace the root causes of the failure. In that spirit, I offer the causes of my academic debacle that took place during my freshman year at a Gibbs Boston College. One cause for my failure was a lack of prioritizing my educational duties and instead, embracing my first year as a social experiment. Secondly, the most paramount reason for my failure could be attributed to my lack of vision and having no intrinsic motivating factor driving me to pursue an education. And equally important as identifying the causes of failing is to realize the solutions and maybe what alternate choices could have been made to prevent failing as to ensure it doesn’t occur again. Coming out of high school and viewing college as a surround of various ethnicities, religions and backgrounds, I was captivated by the experience of socializing and communing with lots of new and interesting people. What began as an equal balance of work and play was short lived and quickly evolved into a cycle of abandoning my responsibilities and education for nights of socializing and constant partying. I thought life was great- no classes, no professors, no deadlines, and no pointless research papers about subjects I had absolutely no interest in researching. I was an 18-year-old, playing adult. Yes, I occasionally worked, but I played exceedingly more, and yet I wasn’t even old enough to drink or rent a car. I spent more time on the beach, in clubs, and in the gym than most people do in their entire lives. I went out every night, not studying or working on any assigned tasks or papers. Why? I thought I had done it all, learned it all, and experienced it all. But I was still only a freshman. I lacked the maturity to make wise decisions regarding my education at that time. And eventually, the constant neglect of my responsibilities led to my subsequent downfall and failure in school which resulted in an astonishing grade point average of zero, losing a full scholarship, and eventually being placed on final academic probation. Another cause for my failure, coupled with extensive partying and social activities, was not having a clear picture as to why I was even attending college besides the fact that it was the norm after graduating high school. Lacking a vision was my primary reason for my failure. Not having a vision for the future except a distant hazy, gray picture of bleakness made college seem pointless and my future aimless. Also, dealing with a barrage of questions from my family and friends constantly pressuring me to choose my major and career path, and seeing their concern and not having chosen a major lead me to rethink my choice of why wanted to continue the college experience since it seemed in vain and directionless. I knew I wanted to be married and have children one day, but that’s not exactly offered as an undergraduate program. My problem was that I tire of busywork. Reading three hundred pages weekly for boring classes along with never-ending homework seemed pointless since I couldn’t find a legitimate reason as to why I should do it and what purpose it would serve in the future. I constantly complained about commuting because of the toll it takes, how early I had to leave the house, and how it eats hours of my week. Trivial and petty excuses some would say. Well, without knowing my purpose in college it wasn’t trivial, because without a vision for where it is heading, it was wasteful and burdensome, for me and my parents. Lacking a goal and vision at that time made college seem like unnecessary hard work, and entirely unproductive. Realizing how my failure could have been prevented is imperative in continuing my education. Excessive partying and social activities could have been balanced with my school work by prioritizing my life and what was important for my future. Having a balanced outlook with clear scheduling of my time and how I was going to accomplish my goals and tasks would have prevented my first cause for failure. As important as it seemed then to experience the parties and night life in college, if I would have balanced the two, I would not only have a plethora of memories, but also a toolbox of knowledge to prepare myself for life after college instead of now playing catch-up with my degree. Alongside prioritizing my time, having a clear picture of where I was going could have also prevented my failing freshman year. Relevant to not having a vision and failing in college, I am reminded of a biblical passage, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Proverbs 29:18. Having an outlook of where I someday would arrive would have given a purpose to what seemed like a tiring and fruitless expenditure of time and money. To be successful, you need to have a compelling vision that you are willing to go all out to achieve. So, it is important to

Public Comments

1. I assume this is a college application essay you've written? It's actually not bad, at the core. I like your story: you blew it, and that woke you up. Now, you're a different person, with different priorities. Now, unlike then, you are prepared to succeed. That's a good story. But you need to write it in plain English. It's completely appropriate to use a "high falutin' " word when it's needed, or to make a point, but when you can use plain English, you should do so. It will make the essay far more readable, and enjoyable.
2. I think you also need help writing. You should write succinctly, in active voice, and get to the point. In the words of EB White and William Strunk "No unnecessary words." I could re-write your next to last sentence as: "Success requires compelling vision and all out determination." I recommend reading Struck and White's "Elements of Style"
3. If you are allowed, an informal style will really appeal to the reader here. You want this to be something that a person begins to read, you grab their attention right away and they can't put it down. example: I was the college party girl - social, energetic and free. But all of this came at a cost and I failed my first year. What I am asking for is a second chance, not only to attend your institution and sucessfully get a degree but for a second chance at redefining myself. Here is how I changed (how I see myself now) Here is what I am willing to do now. Here is how I hope to grow/ gain experience from your college eg. I am very passionate about learning new things about..(topic) which is why I have selected it for my major... Exactly why you choose this college over the others End with something emotionally appealing eg. The wondeful thing about second chances, are that you truly appreciate them much more than your first opportunity. I hope this gives you some ideas.