Success Happy

Is my boyfriends ADHD to blame for our problems?

I'm sorry if this is long, I spent awhile trying to type it so it was short and to the point but I just couldn't brief it up. Please don't be negative about how long it is, you can just move on after this sentence and not answer. I have a boyfriend who procrastinates alot. He has ADHD that has been untreated, and I am trying to determine if this is why he doesn't focus on me or our family. We have a 9 month old son and he is a wonderful dad to my 3 year old daughter. My partner has been making me feel like crap. When we got together I was super nice and understanding about him not being used to living with someone and tried to find us a nice routine to work together with. Unfortunately, he has the attention span of a 5 year old. He has fallen asleep while talking to me about any of my concerns, or problems. We get along super great but its tearing our relationship apart. In the beginning I was always so nice about it and I was patient, but now I have no patience and I yell. I talk to him about everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. I've sat down with him and explained how he is hurting me by not being more tentative to a situation, showing concern, how he seems to be careless, and most of all not working with me as a team. I ALWAYS have to make sure there are no TVS on because mid conversation he changes the subject. I almost slipped and fell while I was 8 months pregnant because of water he left on the floor from a shower. I had been asking him nicely for months not to leave water on the floor and told him I was scared of slipping and falling. Well, it just about happened, but it changed nothing. Even to this day still leaves water on the floor. The main problem now is that our son recently had surgery. He was born with undescended testicles and the hospital nurse told me he might have meant to have been a girl because his condition was rare. Despite what other doctors told me, I was freaked out, anxious, hurt, and depressed up until the day he had his surgery and the doc said it was successful.I burst into tears from happiness because I was so stressed out about it. When we brought our son home, my boyfriend said something that hurt me badly. "I didn't realize how stressed out you were until you cried today in front of the doctor and talked about the stress you felt about it." I was so upset when he said that because the day our son was born and I was told that awful news by the nurse...he didn't say jack shit about it other then this no care attitude and that our son would be fine. No emotions whatsoever...didn't ask any questions about it.I suffered severe depression and even talked to him about how I had my first suicidal thoughts. He didn't even blink. Within a day it was like we never had that conversation...no matter what I say, what I do, or how serious the conversation is, he forgets about it. He's loosened up alot since we met and he would get me anything I ask for materialistically... but i've really had to grill him to get him to hear me out...or to do some research so he was aware of our sons condition...even having him look into depression and adhd...but nothing ever changes. Materials are only temporary, I explained I have emotional needs. He now works from home and helps me even less...unless I order him around. He has procrastinated/forgotten chores, helping me out, BILLS sometimes. I mean they get paid but only when the electricity gets turned off. He is a super nice guy that is super passive. Avoids conflict and confrontation.Nothing works! I thought being persistent would have helped by now but he is not trying. Being nice didn't work, and being mean doesn't work. I've given him chances and even let some things go untouched for over 5 days! Why can't he overcome this? oh, ive tried everything...even the lists. have made him lists, but he doesnt make his own.on top of everything i take care of -- cleaning, laundry, educating my daughter, my son... i cant imagine why these things arent important to him...i dont believe they arent unimportant, but he will start a chore and 5 minutes later he'll be sitting at the computer and get sidetracked. ive tried restricting usage, making rules...which he only follows if im his shadow and constantly on his case. =(

Public Comments

1. Having ADHD would not explain away all these problems. Once you realize you have a problem you can work through it. Leaving water on the floor is uncaring not a mental disorder. He could leave notes for himself until he falls into habit. Habits are important to get into with ADD or similar problems. For instance every time he is doing something in a room he should stop and go through a small checklist of things he should do before leaving it when he goes somewhere else and not put things off until after he does "this one real fast thing" If he really cared, even the most extreme cases are easily livable. Also, working at it yourself is better then taking the medicine.