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Can anybody help me with my problems?

For a long time I have experienced quite a few problems in my life. I don’t want to socialize, I find I am very distant from my family except my youngest brother. My mother and I do not get on very well and this has been the case for as long as I can remember. I sometimes don’t like going outside unless I have to go to work. I can’t stand people and I always feel people are out to get me. It’s a horrible feeling and I just feel no one understands the situation I am in. My mother always poses her own answer which is beginning to be a broken record now “It’s the way you perceive things and the way you let them drown you”. I WANT to let people into my life but my mind and body won’t. I have severe OCD and have been recommended treatment although the treatment involved means taking time off of work which I cannot afford. I wash my hands a lot, repeat things to myself if I feel I haven’t said them correctly. I switch lights on and off numerous times and have to say to myself out loud ‘It’s off, lights off!’. When I lock doors I check them several times and say to myself out loud again that they are locked. Its repetitive with eating, walking. If I clip my foot with the other I have to clip the other back to balance it out too. I find it hard to concentrate and focus on one thing with my mind wandering into other aspects that interest me. I need to be shown and guided a lot of the time when I am out of my comfort zone and most jobs I find extremely difficult (Most of my work has been office based) and sometimes I surprise myself for the duration I have been in them because I find it all draining and sometimes hard to keep up. Recently it has been call centre based Customer Service roles although I was in one sales environment for 3 years and one showroom based role. I feel most at home when I am able to flex my creative side. I love Photography, writing, art (especially painting), filming, poetry recitation and writing. Outside of work I have even started my own record label which I enjoy as I am able to divulge in the creative side. The downside is, its going no where, even the things I love I have to force myself to do but once I’m doing it, I’m in the zone. I obsess over objects and subjects, I have whole collections of toys comic books etc. I love nature, collect exotic animals like tarantulas, praying mantis’, scorpions. I am always worried about myself and usually have no care for others as I am always worried about my situation. I am quite clumsy, rigid and my conversations are usually one sided and I sometimes speak very fast and usually talk over others as I think they will talk over me. I would love to go back to studying, but I can’t afford to and cannot find the time either. I think I would fail in studying also, as there are no course that interest me and I would not have anyone to help me. I barely passed my college diploma in music and that was mainly practical work with a few assignment based coursework pieces. I’m worried, I’m 26, the things I love I have to force myself into. I find work very hard and am moving into part-time work because of the stress involved in keeping up with everything. I know there is something wrong, but I don’t know what. Is there anything I can do to help myself? Has anyone been in the same situation and managed to overcome it? There is so much more I could explain. But I was thinking about this all the other night and it all made me think. Is there something I should know about myself so I can move forward for the future? One more thing. I do things without thinking about the consequences. Very stupid things.

Public Comments

1. It sounds as though your OCD is getting very very bad. I have a friend with OCD and his is only very mild, and even then he struggles with it. It sounds like your compulsions are getting worse, and that it is turning a bit destructive (or more destructive than it was). I understand the pressures of money and time, so I'm not going to suggest getting the treatment that involves time off work, but I think that if you can, see if the doctor or a counsellor can advise someone who can help outside of work hours. At the very least, you need to have some kind of further treatment, or it will just keep getting worse. I hope that you can find some help to get the treatment that you deserve so that you can do what you want and live freely. I'm not sure if I've directly answered any of your questions, but I hope I gave an okay general answer. Rayne.
2. Please don't let anyone persuade you to give up your job. You might not find work again as your OCD might count against you. Hope you can sort things out.
3. You sound in many ways like a typical creative person. I can relate to a lot of your feelings about people (a bit of a recluse though I can seem like I'm sociable.). In many ways you don't sound different or odd. Few people think about the consequences of their actions! It sounds easy but if you don't get on with family (not sure whether you live with them) try not to be around them. I have one suggestion as I know people who've been helped with OCD and other issues they haven't a name for but it may involve money. The quality of training these people have is worth it. Link below. Go to 'Seeking a therapist' on the left-hand menu. They're therapists and counsllors in your area. Alternatively talk to your GP and see if you can be referred for more thorough help. Please do this and do indulge in your creative side as much as you can.
4. Hi there Dang, Try not to feel out of place. Your symptoms seem to add up to a condition known as Aspergers syndrome. I am Psychotherapist based in Germany specializing in mental health issues. One of my main duties is to diagnose patients with mental health problems and although I cannot be 100% sure because I have not met you what you have described appears to be Aspergers. OCD is a symptom that occasionally comes along with Aspergers syndrome. Aspergers syndrome can affect the way you live and usually people who have it are extremely creative and very talented at expressing themselves this way. Get help and seek a diagnosis for it, I know you probably do not want to do it but you need to. Ask a relative or understanding friend to go with you. Good luck.