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Husband not ready for baby...?

My husband and I have been together for over 5 years. We have been married for a year and a half and I've got the baby bug...bad! Last summer I had a chemical pregnancy (basically a ver very early miscarriage). For the couple days that I thought I might be pregnant, I started to get really excited. Even though we we weren't "ready" we would have been fine. Both of us are 27, have good jobs and are stable financially with the exception of building back our credit from some mistakes we made out of college. We are renting a nice home in decent neighborhood. Both of us have good health insurance. We agreed that we would start trying this spring and I went to work on getting my body ready for pregancy. I've been off my birth control for almost 6 months and have been cleared by the docs. Heck, I even have a crib in my garage that my older sister gave to me! So in December, my husband said that he wanted a new car, even though his was perfectly fine. After going back and forth I caved and he goes and gets a mustang convertible, with the promise that it won't affect our plans and we can definitely start trying early this year. He has mentioned having babies this year multiple times in the last several weeks. But earlier, this week we had sex and he is insitant on wearing a condom? I told him that its a little early, but let's just have fun and not worry about it. Nope. I didn't push the issue, until last night. We were watching a show and the couple on tv was having a similar conversation about wanting to have a baby and sex. So I casually asked him when we could nix the condoms? He tells me that we work too much to have kids. We do work a lot because we're in sales, but I also said that there is daycare and that we would have to adapt our schedules to make it work. My new year's resolution is actually to have a better work life balance, which is slowly happening. He didn't disagree. Then he said that he really wants to wait until we have a house of our own, before we start trying for kids. Another valid point except that we are not planning on buying for another year. I'm really upset about all of this because I desperately want children. I feel like he is not being fair by changing his mind all suddenly after he made promises to me and I have done my part. I even let him buy a car that I didn't feel comfortable with the deal that we would still be able to pursue our family. At the same time, I don't want to force him into something he's not ready for. I don't want to have to wait another year and then have him come up with some other reason why we can't have kids at that time. I just don't know what to do. So last night we had a heart to heart and I found out that my husband is indifferent about whether or not we ever have children. He had always said that he wanted them before but that was because he knew I wanted them. The subject of children was a subject I thought we were pretty clear on well before we got married. Now I'm finding out that a lot of what he has told me over time has been lip service. I explained that that was really upsetting to me and that he was being very unfair and if this was really how he felt that maybe we needed to re-evaluate our relationship. He does not comprehend the risks in waiting until we are in our 30's or the possibility of infertility issues later on. He said that he's also very nervous about parenthood and worried that he may fail as a father. I told him that I felt that as long as you love your kids and do your best for them, you really can't fail as a parent. No one is perfect and we will make mistakes. Even if we were perfect parents that does

Public Comments

1. Well, it is best to wait until you have a house of your own! And if he's keeps coming up with reasons why he doesn't want to have a baby, you should maybe try counseling. Maybe there's an unspoken reason why he doesn't want one. But I know you'll be a great mother, and one day you will have a child. You'll have one naturally, or by adoption!
2. I think your husband is being very selfish, he is just coming up with excuses to delay trying for a baby. You really need to have a proper chat with him cause lets face it you aren't getting any younger. Once you reach the age of 30 then your fertility starts to decrease. Have it out with him a get a straight yes/no answer. Good luck and hope it all works out for you!
3. At this point there's nothing you can do. My husband jumped right into the wanting a baby before I did which is unusual for men! However, you can try talking and addressing the situation in another way but doing so is only going to give you the same answer. I would stick the the original plan of this spring and bring it up again, he might be scared, most men are. If you tell him how you really feel and tell him he is being unfair (which he is) that you have never wanted anything more than this than having his baby, you couple are not getting any younger and you only have so long and let him know that your clock is ticking. Seems to me that he wants, wants, wants but in he end he don't want to give or attempt to try. You could also bring up the conversation as if it happens it happens. I really hope you the best!
4. Hi, I have a friend, her name is Daphne, she I was diagnosed with PCOS and premature ovarian failure three years ago, and fertility doctor told her that she had little hope of having any baby, not only because of her relatively old age (She is 42). She had pretty much given no hope and had nothing to strive or opt for. Now she is on the road to becoming a mother, I can not believed when she told me, was a great news for all. She followed an holistic pregnancy program. I hope this could help you. You could read her case here : http://bit.ly/fertilitylisa Cheers