Success Happy

I don't know how to move on in life anymore?

Hello, thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm a 14 year old male and I don't know how my life is going to turn out at this point. I live with my mom and sister while my father passed away when I was only 4, since then my mother hasn't remarried. My mother has a fairly decent job which barley makes enough to pay the mortgage while my sister who is 26 and still unmarried has unfortunately just lost her job last week due to bankruptcy and is currently looking for a job that makes a good amount of income. My family struggles to pay the mortgage each month with little leftover for new clothes or to afford a new car. All the time I hear my mom fighting over the phone with my grandmother and her sister who don't help us at all and always ask or need something from us when we don't even have enough to even support ourselves. My mother seems stressed and very depressed these days and gets angry when my father comes to her mind. Most of my family has died out just leaving us and lots of cousins but, they don't keep in touch and wouldn't want to help us in anyway. I don't know why it has to be like this… shouldn’t family stick together and help each other out? We are planning to sell the house this month and down-grade as well as another reason is that the area around us is becoming less secure and more violent. It makes me feel bad that we have to always lose more and more and I can’t really do anything about it or do something useful for anyone. I constantly get yelled at each day as well as have very offensive language used towards me for not doing anything right or being of any use to them. I swear I can’t do anything right and when I get called stupid I really do feel stupid and worthless. Then there’s school. I really dislike school a lot! I have no good friends I just hang around a group of people everyday until the day is over just making those fake smiles and laughs while I’m around them so they see I don’t feel left out or anything. My best friend moved far away 2 years ago and we don’t talk much anymore. I do get invited out once in a while by some of the people at school so it’s not really much of a issue to me that I haven’t found the right friend who likes me for who I am. I seem like a very timid person at first to a lot of people but after a while I start to become more interactive with them and more conversational. I have also lost my motivation to go to school each day, I just really hate it there and waking up each morning. My grades have been dropping to I have been getting B’s and C’s these days, and not really putting in any effort into my work. My mother always wants me to be a successful and outgoing person but, I’m pretty sure she’s given up faith on me. She expects me to be a doctor or scientist, I’m not against it or anything but I don’t really want any of those career choices she brings up. Something I love to do myself is dance and do choreography I believe that I am really good at it, such as if I would watch a music video or performance for a certain song such as Lady GaGa, Britney Spears, Michael Jackson etc.. I can immediately copy and perform the choreography in the video and do it precisely and very accurately. I even watch other peoples tutorials to see if I did it right and I see that I have done it perfectly. I also love music extremely much and I write my own songs and I have had compliments on my work from people who barley even know me saying that I am an amazing songwriter. A lot of the songs I write aren’t about love there more of a dance/party and feel good about yourself type of song. I have told my mom multiple times that I want to become a choreographer or ball room dancer and she tells me that it’s useless , I’m not that talented, or I won’t ever make it. I don’t want to cause more problems and start an argument so I just walk away and feel really upset afterwards. It’s my vision and what if I want to follow it? I don’t care if nobody believes in me there’s still a chance I can make that vision a reality if I really dedicate myself to it. I don’t know what to do… Go against her decision because she doesn’t believe in me and just wait till im a little older and start taking classes and make it a career? I wish I could grant everyone happiness and support them because in my life it seems to be all about the money and finding love to them. I feel bad that I don’t have a father or my sister doesn’t have a husband as well as I don’t have a male role model to look up to making me feel less of man. I’m starting to hate life so much and I’m sorry to everyone that I can’t help in anyway. I’m hoping things will change and get better after so many years of problems affecting my family , right now I may live but I don’t feel so alive. I feel like an idiot and that im not smart enough for anything. “How will I survive in my life?” I always ask myself every night. I don’t even want to talk to my mother or sister anymore There’s just

Public Comments

1. "Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today" - James Dean
2. This is sad.... Hold on in there