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i need some one to proofread my paper?

It is for admission to the social work program at my college. Any suggestion would be appreciated since I have never wrote one of these and our writing center was not helpful at all. :] To whom it may concern: I am writing to express my interest in the Social Work program at *************. I am currently ending my sophomore year and I would like to enter my junior year as a member of the Social Work program so that I can began the professional block and earn my Bachelors degree in Social Work. A good social worker should be empathetic, patient, intelligent, kind and a good leader; these are all traits that I possess. I have been very caring and helpful since a young age and I was remembered by many of my teachers and peers for being responsible and always willing to help out another class mate. A social worker should also be able to multitask very well with out sacrificing the quality of their work. I have been balancing academics, sports and work since I was a junior in high school. Social work has always interested me since high school, but I did not declare it as my major until the beginning of the Fall 2010 semester. Originally I planned to be a psychology major; however I feel a degree in social work will allow me to help people and interact with them more than a psychology degree. I also have been very interested in the substance abuse minor that the University offers. I believe that the substance abuse minor along with a degree in social work will help me with finding a good career in the future. Academics have always been very important to me both in high school and in college. While in high school I was in the top ten students of my class and I kept a 4.0 for three years in a row. During my senior year I also took classes at Baker College in Owosso where I received high marks in all my classes. Since enrolling at the University of Michigan – Flint I have been taking my academic career very seriously even while balancing a job and going to school. My main motivation to become a social worker was from a close friend of mine. He had introduced the idea to me during my freshman year and it has always been in the back of my mind since. Unfortunately he passed away in November 2010 from alcohol poisoning. It was a tragic loss and it put my life on pause, however with the support of my classmates and help from my teachers I was able to finish the semester. I have decided to turn this tragedy into something positive and I would like to give back to the community. My goal is too eventually to educate today’s youth on the dangers of alcohol and to help those who are addicted get their lives back on track and I believe that social work is the right outlet to accomplish this. Although there will be times where a career in social work may be emotionally challenging I am looking forward to the opportunity to help others change their lives. I currently am volunteering at the ****** Senior Care Rehab Center in ******. This is part of the required ten hours that I need for my SWK 241 lab. I quickly got my ten hours, but I continue to volunteer there when ever I have free time. While volunteering at the ******* Senior Care and Rehab Center I feel that it has given me a more in depth look into what the social work field is actually like. I was able to work directly with the social worker, the patients and their families while volunteering. It has also helped me discover more about myself and who I am comfortable working with. Although it was a positive experience, I am unsure of whether or not I would like to work primarily with the elderly in the future.

Public Comments

1. It reads very well, I wouldn't worry about the content. My only concern is your addressing 'To Whom It May Concern'. From what I know, this is a huge mistake when you're trying to apply for something like this. You need to find out who exactly is going to read your letter, and if it's a female find out whether it's a Ms or Mrs.
2. Pretty good start. You used "very" five times which seemed like a lot to me. Try to replace that word with something from the thesaurus. Also try to re-work some of the "wordy" sentences like "...so that I can began the professional block...", just replace with "...to begin the professional block..." and "He had introduced the idea to me...", to "He introduced the idea to me..." Just my humble opinion.