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My life is a complete nightmare, and I'm a worthless moron. Anyone have any...advice or something?

When I was in high school like 6 or so years ago, I started experiencing these really scary health problems, and my stupid teenage self initially hid them from everybody because I was terrified and thought that maybe if I just ignored them, they'd go away. Of course, they didn't though, and they're just really, really bad now. , I may make idiotic decisions like the one to not tell my parents something was wrong with me, but I'm not stupid either and I think it's pretty obvious that I'm slowly (or not so slowly anymore) dying of a brain tumor or some other kind of neurological issue. My head hurts really badly pretty much every second that I'm awake, and my memory is utterly shot and I can't focus on anything. Then there's the fact that I sometimes smell things other people don't smell, sometimes can't taste food when I put it in my mouth, and feel really off-balanced all of the time. Just being alive is kind of torturous. I'm in college because that's where my dad wants me, but it's so freaking miserable because of the cognitive issues that I've developed. Studying for a test takes me like 14 hours, while it takes other people 1 or 2 because it's so hard to focus on the material, and I have to write it out over and over again just to finally get it engrained in my memory. I never had these problems when I was younger. This has all progressed over the past few years. I can't get a job because of the whole feeling dizzy and off-balanced thing all of the time, which is at its worse in public, probably b/c I know that I don't have my bed right next to me to lay down if I start feeling really dizzy. My dad constantly, like 5 times a day, yells at me to get a job, so I started writing articles on the internet for money hoping that it would get him to leave me alone. It didn't, though because "that's not a real job." I hate when he says that; it makes me feel like absolute worhtless crap because I want to make my own money so badly, and if I didn't have all of these stupid health issues, I would've been working outside of the house for the past 6 years. So when I finally found something I could do, he just had to shut that down by telling me it's "not real." I've tried explaining to him why I'm scared to work outside of the house, and he thinks I'm making it up. Sometimes I wish I would just pass out one day instead of just getting really dizzy and disoriented so he'd finally maybe understand how bad things are for me. My whole life is just such a lie and such a waste. I wanted to major in something scientific, but I went with being an English major instead because that way there's a chance for me to use the degree to do something like writing where I don't have to be interacting with people while I feel so miserable and dizzy all of the time. You can't really become a doctor who has trouble focusing on what her patients are telling her or has to leave the room periodically b/c she starts feeling like she's gonna pass out. I want to be dating and all of that stuff normal 22 year olds are doing, but instead I'm stuck inside my house except for when I absolutely have to leave to go to class (which is another story. I've gotten sick on campus so many times). I'm such a burden to other people since I'm not completely financially self-sufficient or even close...my dad's spending all of this money for me to go to college, which is going to go to waste since I'm probably going to die from whatever is causing me to have all of these problems not too far from now. I'm completely worthless to myself, society, and other people because of this stupid health crap. It really feels like the best favor I could do to people is to die, and no I'm not suicidal, but it feels like being alive and using up resources is selfish at this point. :/ I don't want to always be alone. I WANT to be with people a lot. The problem is people like to do physically strenuous things like going out drinking or going places with bright lighting that make me feel even more sick than I normally do, ad I just get dizzy a lot in general.

Public Comments

1. Therapy.
2. get off your pity pot nancy
3. Just Order Pizza Then watch aa movie than go to sleep Food Solves all my problems
4. Welcome to the teenage years believe me though it gets worse.
5. I think it would be beneficial to see a psychologist. Believe it or not, normal people see them too. :-) If you know that you want to change your life in certain ways but find it difficult to act, it could help you out. It's okay if you don't like being round a lot of people but I would consider it abnormal to 'always' want to be away and alone by yourself.
6. it's social anxiety, not a brain tumor. get some medical attention please.
7. I would have a visit with a neurologist for your dizziness and other physical symptoms. Then I would see a psychiatrist to help you be less upset, and help you with your life.
8. Go see a doctor. Stop making excuses for yourself to not do the things you want to be doing. You're taking the easy way out by just sitting around making yourself feel miserable. Buck up and go see a doctor already. Many things are easily treatable. But hey, if doctors actually SOLVE your problems, you'll just have to find something new to feel sorry for yourself about.
9. See your school counselor ASAP.
10. Have you not been to a doctor about this? First go to a doctor, tell him or her that you think you should see a neuralogist. And you are not worthless! That is so hard that you are living with your dad still. I am 22 years old too and have onlly been living on my own for a year and a half and could not survive if I was living with my parents. It's a hard age because you are an adult and fully capable but your parents still think they should control you. Please don't take what your dad says to heart. Respect him but you are your own person and parents are NOT always right. Stand up for yourself. You are worth it!... and please go to a doctor. Call right now and get an appointment. It could be something that can be treated simply and you can stop being miserable!
11. This is an interesting "essay" not a question. It is more than an "essay" it is a "dramatic dialogue" What place does it have in this venue? Well, if you are "trolling" then you want two kinds of reactions - either you get a sympathetic series of support statements (an you have had the bait taken) or you get some off the wall "play back" signaling that the other person has marked you as a troller. Since I was first up to bat - I come down on the side of you are a very poor excuse as a troller! You are so obvious; unless that is exactly the response you wanted!?! You may be more suble than you seem; let's see what other responses you get. Cheers, Jim the Fee
12. It sounds like you should see a neurologist and/or a psychiatrist. Whichever it is, make sure you see someone with an M.D. There are a lot of people who are not M.D.s who will just give you worthless advice (or even worse, quack "treatments"). I'm not sure what to do if money/insurance is a problem. I suppose you could always go to the emergency room... Could it be something like migraines or cluster headaches? Those can be really disabling if not treated.
13. Go see a doctor. You say your stupid teenage self hid the symptoms, but here you are six years later doing the same dam thing. Not to be harsh, but i feel like you're using your health problem as a cruch. if you want to be a scientist, stop pretending like you want to make a living writing, change your major to biology or physics or something. if you acutally want to be writer, keep going for that english degree and tell your dad that you appreciate everything he does for you, but writing is your passion so he can go fuck himself. On top of that, if he is willing to pay for your college and your living, then your dad obviously loves you and staying alive is quite the opposite of being selfish as it would tear your dad apart if you killed yourself. The bottom line is go see a doctor and fix this problem of yours. you say your living is being selfish, but by not having yourself checked out is the real selfish part.
14. Does a part of you want you to be a perfect person? Did you experience a life threatening situation (real or imaginary)for few months? You seem to be normal. Your imagination is driving you crazy.It is like saying imagination is on fire. I think part of the problem is you have an above average IQ. One can have many different kind of symptoms with anxiety/depression. I hope you have been to a physician and he has told you, you don't have any medical problem. If you can relate to this and have any questions feel free to email you.
15. You either have a brain tumour or severe anxiety and you need to find out which so you don't waste any more time speculating. Things will get better even though they seem like they won't atm. There is hope! You'll feel better when you find your purpose in life. What are you passionate about ?