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My life is a complete nightmare, and I'm a worthless moron. Anyone have any...advice or something?

When I was in high school like 6 or so years ago, I started experiencing these really scary health problems, and my stupid teenage self initially hid them from everybody because I was terrified and thought that maybe if I just ignored them, they'd go away. Of course, they didn't though, and they're just really, really bad now. , I may make idiotic decisions like the one to not tell my parents something was wrong with me, but I'm not stupid either and I think it's pretty obvious that I'm slowly (or not so slowly anymore) dying of a brain tumor or some other kind of neurological issue. My head hurts really badly pretty much every second that I'm awake, and my memory is utterly shot and I can't focus on anything. Then there's the fact that I sometimes smell things other people don't smell, sometimes can't taste food when I put it in my mouth, and feel really off-balanced all of the time. Just being alive is kind of torturous. I'm in college because that's where my dad wants me, but it's so freaking miserable because of the cognitive issues that I've developed. Studying for a test takes me like 14 hours, while it takes other people 1 or 2 because it's so hard to focus on the material, and I have to write it out over and over again just to finally get it engrained in my memory. I never had these problems when I was younger. This has all progressed over the past few years. I can't get a job because of the whole feeling dizzy and off-balanced thing all of the time, which is at its worse in public, probably b/c I know that I don't have my bed right next to me to lay down if I start feeling really dizzy. My dad constantly, like 5 times a day, yells at me to get a job, so I started writing articles on the internet for money hoping that it would get him to leave me alone. It didn't, though because "that's not a real job." I hate when he says that; it makes me feel like absolute worhtless crap because I want to make my own money so badly, and if I didn't have all of these stupid health issues, I would've been working outside of the house for the past 6 years. So when I finally found something I could do, he just had to shut that down by telling me it's "not real." I've tried explaining to him why I'm scared to work outside of the house, and he thinks I'm making it up. Sometimes I wish I would just pass out one day instead of just getting really dizzy and disoriented so he'd finally maybe understand how bad things are for me. My whole life is just such a lie and such a waste. I wanted to major in something scientific, but I went with being an English major instead because that way there's a chance for me to use the degree to do something like writing where I don't have to be interacting with people while I feel so miserable and dizzy all of the time. You can't really become a doctor who has trouble focusing on what her patients are telling her or has to leave the room periodically b/c she starts feeling like she's gonna pass out. I want to be dating and all of that stuff normal 22 year olds are doing, but instead I'm stuck inside my house except for when I absolutely have to leave to go to class (which is another story. I've gotten sick on campus so many times). I'm such a burden to other people since I'm not completely financially self-sufficient or even close...my dad's spending all of this money for me to go to college, which is going to go to waste since I'm probably going to die from whatever is causing me to have all of these problems not too far from now. I'm completely worthless to myself, society, and other people because of this stupid health crap. It really feels like the best favor I could do to people is to die, and no I'm not suicidal, but it feels like being alive and using up resources is selfish at this point. :/

Public Comments

1. Yeah, I've read this before. Go to a doctor, get an MRI and a neurological exam. You could have a form of epilepsy. You could be having what are called "absence seizures."
2. Have you been seen by a doctor to diagnose what is really going on with you? If you haven't...my advice is to go get checked, and see if they can help you feel better, no human being deserves to live a life of miscery. If you have and you already have a diagnosis, well...you should look into groups online, may be what you need is more help to cope with what you have, OR you need to go see a psychologist, sometimes everything is in our minds. I'm sorry you are going through this, but there is always a solution for everything. Take care.
3. Wow, it sounds like you have some serious health problems . You are not a minor-take yourself to the doctor or emergency room and get it checked ut. Nobody should have to suffer like that. And because you don't feel well physically, you aren't doing well emotionally. That will change once you get your health squared away. Please don't feel like you ar useless. Something is obviously wrong and you need help asap. Hospitals often have funds for people with out insurance(in case you don't have any).and most doctors and hospitals will let you pay a little a month as long as you keep current. Good luck to you. God bless you and make you well.